The newswires have reported that the French Government has announced that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's White Flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “disdainful arrogance” to “dress in uniform and sing marching songs”. They have two higher levels, “invade a neighbour” and “lose”.

The Italians have increased their alert level from “shout loudly and excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain, “ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from “isolationism” to “find somewhere else in the Middle East ripe for regime change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “take on the world” and “ask the British for help”.

Finally in Great Britain they've gone from “pretend nothing's happening” to “make another cup of tea”. Their higher levels are “remain resolutely cheerful” and “win”.